I’m posting this at two a.m, local time because I’m awake. For a few weeks, this was a fairly common occurrence. I would find it impossible to get comfortable and would sit up waiting for some medication or other to kick in. Last week, however, Milo and my chemo nurse Heather ratted me out to the nurse practitioner and she changed my medications. I’m not just taking oxycodone for pain; I am also taking oxycontin (a long acting oxycodone) every twelve hours in hope of starving off the pain. This started after a dose of IV dilaudid that worked so beautifully at getting rid of my pain that I was flying. It was the first time I had been truly comfortable in months
For the first few days, the twice a day oxycontin worked so well that I didn’t need anything else. Friday, however, I needed more break through medication (oxycodone) that I have in a while. I was having a really bad pain day. This, unfortunately, lapped into the weekend and I not only needed the oxycodone, but drugs to help me have normal bowel movements because oxycodone constipates. The pressure in my abdomen has been so bad all weekend that I have been near tears several times. This causes a vicious cycle of using narcotics to treat the pain in my abdomen but then needing something to make the pressure go away.
Today, it was just terrible. I felt like nothing was digesting and my pills weren’t working at all. The pain increased despite taking both my long and short acting drugs. By one, I was in tears and Milo woke to find me clutching a heating pad to my stomach begging God to take the pain away. He was seconds away from dragging me to the emergency room when I vomited up everything from lunch on. No wonder nothing was working!
Later today, I’m off to Mayo to have a CT scan and find out if we’re continuing the clinical trial or changing to something else. I want to talk to them about a few things I’ve found out recently, especially since I have now met three women with the same cancer I have that were all stage four. One is cancer free for three years after a transplant and surgery. I want to know why this is supposedly not an option for me when there are others out there being treated with it. I want a chance and I’m starting to feel like they are withholding it!
Here’s hoping I get some sleep and some answers today. I’m not sure how much more I can take.