Last week, my chemotherapy session was slightly overshadowed (ha!) by the drama of the evening. It isn’t as if posting about chemo is the highlight of my day, but usually I like to use this blog to keep everyone informed on the goings on of my cancer. Trouble is, meeting with Dr. Brooks last week didn’t really provide me with much to talk about. I went in with a set list of questions (and still managed to forget one!) and the hope that we would finally have the second biopsy results. No results; nada. He had promised to call and I spent the early part of the week praying that he’d have something for me before my visit on the twenty-ninth. No call. In other words, I am exactly where I was before the biopsy: without answers. I don’t know what the newest treatment will be or when we will start it…
Which leads me to what we did learn. I had asked about the break between chemo treatments and whether that would be ample time to do an egg harvest. Dr. Brooks had mentioned a six-week down time between my current regime and my new one, whenever that starts. I thought that sounded like a decent window to preserve my fertility options. I was apparently wrong. Dr. H spoke with Dr. Brooks and told him I needed to be off chemo for at least three months before he’d do an egg harvest. So, we did the Lupron shot, are crossing our fingers and holding our breaths. If that shot doesn’t work, and the insurance doesn’t cover it, we might just have to kiss a future of biological children goodbye.
I also asked about some random bruises that had been appearing on my abdomen: three of them about the size of a dime each. Dr. Brooks wasn’t concerned and said I would bruise more easily, so don’t fret (ha again!) As for my request to return to floor nursing and my soccer team, he told me I would have to wait until we started the new treatments and he was what their toll was on me. If I felt like I had more energy, he’d happily allow me to return to both. If I was still as exhausted and sick, he’d have to keep me off the unit and my soccer team. I’m starting to feel like I’m in suspended animation since so much rests on what that biopsy says. Here’s hoping the twenty-ninth offers some sort of answers!
The rest of the appointment had been pretty much standard. Chemo, hanging out with Malika (who is becoming a pro at being a chemo buddy!) and then heading home to let whatever happens, happen. Unfortunately, I pushed myself a little hard on Saturday and attempted to go to the mall and to a friend’s for dinner and movies. I was so incredibly sick by time we arrived home that I was crying. Nothing stayed down and I spent most of Sunday regretting my decision to push so hard. I’ve definitely learned that I have limits and need to respect them right now.
Yet, as this thanksgiving holiday comes and goes, I have much for which to give thanks. My husband is insanely awesome and has been by my side through all of this. He’s held back my hair while praying to the gods of porcelain, caressed my back when there was no hair to hold, cooked, cleaned and just been super supportive of everything. I could not have asked for a better partner in life, especially not at a time like this. I am also thankful for the good friends and family that have proven I am not totally alone. Malika has been a God-send and I can’t possibly list all the people who have gotten me through with a kind word either online, on the phone or even via snail mail! I feel so incredibly loved.
I can also be thankful that I still seem to have my hair, even if it falls out in what I think are crazy large amounts. I’ve stabilized my weight, for which I am not thankful but Dr. Brooks seems to appreciate. Mostly, I tolerate foods (though I didn’t do so well on Thanksgiving day or today for that matter…large amounts or fatty foods appear to be the worst culprits!) I still have a job, even if I am short on hours; though, they did just give me a pay raise (wahoo!) We have a lovely, safe home that is clean most of the time (he he) and Arizona winters can’t be complained about.
What I am especially thankful for, however, is that Milo and I have stopped using excuses not to do things. For instance, this Thanksgiving we spent the holiday tucked away at Susan’s house visiting with her and her three youngest children. I have had such an amazing time with them; we’ve gone to the movies, played games and took a horse-drawn carriage ride (bucket list item fifty complete!) around Kansas City to see the Christmas lights. It was so wonderful to spend time with his family, which I always enjoy. In fact, it solidified both our desires to move closer to Susan and the kids…
Now, we just wait for the cancer to evacuate the premises so we can do just that.