I’m not an uber-religious person. Milo likes to say we are spiritual not religious, which is closer to the truth. I believe in God, I’ve seen prayer do some amazing things and I know there are such things as miracles. I also believe in things that can’t be explained like communication with the spirit world and angels. In fact, I’ve had my run in with both. At the risk of sounding absolutely crazy, I’m admitting this to the world right now. I have to, because what happened to me this weekend is nothing short of an unexplained moment that has changed my life.
Candice, who I know as Christine since she usually goes by her middle name, is a friend I met a few years ago during my soap opera viewing phase (stop laughing). We were both interested in writing and would often write stories about a couple that we liked on the soap (I said, stop laughing). I found her stories entertaining and we’d often be up in the middle of the night chatting. We drifted apart over time, though I would always email her on her birthday. This year when I emailed her, I hesitated during the process of writing. I was uncertain if I should tell her about my cancer. I didn’t want to mar her birthday wishes with something so depressing, but it felt wrong to lie to her and tell her all was well on my end. I ended up telling her and what followed was a conversation that completely changed things for me.
Candice is the complete opposite of me: she’s super religious. So much so, she has one of those relationships with God that most Christians would envy. She doesn’t just talk to Him in prayer as most do; she receives responses. When I was a child, my mother tells me this is the kind of connection I had with Him. Candice’s faith is what every Christian strives for. It’s pure. In the process of telling me how God has changed her life, Candice told me that God had a specific message for me. He wanted me to know that He intended to take my cancer away because I was a light in this world. He needed me to guide others, specifically children since I have a talent with them. I have a purpose and to serve that purpose I would need to trust that He was going to take my cancer away. I would have to put faith in Him and do one thing for Him: write.
I cried and despite that I never felt more at peace. Somewhere inside me I knew Candice was telling me the truth. I would survive cancer. I would go on to have children and a life with my husband. God was in control, something I’ve never really stopped and understood.
I’ve always believed in a higher power, just never really understood organized religion. Candice gave me a glimpse of the faith I had as a child, which I need right now to help me get through the darkness. I’ve let life veil the connection I once had with my faith, but I deeply believe that I have had a turning point thanks to Candice. I’ve also never been more certain that I am going to live through this cancer. God has this.