Generosity

One of the most interesting things about cancer is how your perception changes once diagnosed.  I like to think I was a classic realist (per myself, others might have called me a bit of sarcastic pessimist).  As much as I tried to believe the good in people, I tended to be let down often enough that I stopped trying.  I was always planning for the best and worst case scenarios (admittedly, I still tend to), which drove my husband absolutely crazy.  Once they doctor confirmed that I had cancer, however, things changed.  I found myself believing that I was going to survive cancer no matter what.  Even when I falter slightly, deep down inside I know for sure I will be here five or ten years from now.  It’s amazing that I’m so confident, even when sometimes I feel like a scared little girl.

Yet, it isn’t just my belief in my survival that caused this change; it’s people as well.  Facebook had reconnected me with old friends that have become a support system for me.  They give me tips on healthy diets, offer me a shoulder to cry on and encourage me to keep going no matter what.  They send me messages of love and encouragement, which gets me through rough weekends of chemo treatments and nausea.  Friends I didn’t even realize would care have just amazed me with how open and loving they are.

Even my coworkers have amazed me; not only do they check in on me almost daily, they instantly grab me in hugs when they see me and they are genuinely concerned.  And they have been generous.  My unit collected money for a gift card so I could have entertainment when I was receiving my long treatments.  In a time when money is short for everyone and sparing cash is difficult, these people dug into their pockets and their hearts to do something kind for me.  I don’t know if I deserve it.

I can’t even begin to thank all the people for what they are doing.  What I know is that these people are changing my life and my view on the world.  I feel loved and beyond blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life.  How can I not be optimistic about my outcome when so many people are giving me reason to?  I am going to push through this just so I can find a way to thank each and every one of them for what they have done for me.  I love them all.