I’m going to spare the details of two more trips to the hospital for fevers and the inability to tolerate even water. Apparently, the new chemo may make the tumors “stable” but my quality of life is terrible because of it. Not that it is great when I’m not on chemo. It’s all nausea and trying to find foods that are compatible with my stomach, which can change daily. I still don’t seem to enjoy sweets and my nutrition is so poor my legs are swollen (and sometimes so badly they hurt.)
Because of the multiple trips to the hospital, the loss of my dad two weeks ago and the progression of my disease, Milo and I made the very difficult decision to go onto a palliative care plan that allows me to manage my IV drugs with a nurse and family support while being at home. I no longer need to rush to the ER if I feel sick. We’ve cut down on chemo. Instead of three weeks on and one off, we’re just doing every other week to give me a break. Dr. Brooks is still trying to get the DNA results from Mayo, which I’m starting to think they are holding hostage. In the mean time, the hospice gives me the medications I was getting at the hospital so I can be home with my family through the holidays
Because that’s my goal right now, to make it through the holidays.
I put up the best fight I could, but I am so tired and the sick doesn’t seem to be lessening any. I continue to pray for a miracle to be God’s plan and I am placing my trust in Him, but I don’t know how much more sick I can take. My body needs a break.